Finding Balance and Community

For faculty couple Eli Durmer and Jessica Pine, the teamwork that makes family life and teaching tick only starts with the two of them.

BY JANA F. BROWN

For married teachers Jessica Pine and Ei Durmer, who joined the St. Paul’s School faculty in 2022, days often begin before sunrise.

Morning preparations for their children, Maeve (14), Amory (12) and Tobias (9), involve breakfast, packing lunches and getting all three from their home near Armour House to the bus stop in front of the Athletic and Fitness Center. Tobias catches the bus just after 7 a.m., accompanied by Eli and the family dog — who gets his morning walk at that time. Jessica manages the routine for their other two children, who practice piano or finish homework before walking to the stop with friends.

Mom and Dad usually have a brief window to prepare themselves before chapel begins at 8:30 a.m., and then it’s on to teaching classes, Jessica in humanities and Eli in mathematics. With support from the School, the couple has arranged coaching schedules by season, and dorm duty thoughtfully, so they don’t overlap. Jessica coaches cross country in the fall, while Eli handles family extracurricular duties, and Jessica takes over those tasks when Eli coaches Nordic skiing in the winter. This arrangement, they say, reflects St. Paul’s conscious effort to support dual-faculty families by recognizing them “as a package.”

“There’s a real acknowledgement by the School to recognize the amount of work it takes to do a good job,” Jessica says.

Still, the couple is refreshingly honest about the challenges of their dueling roles, noting that sometimes the to-do lists can feel overwhelming. They’re able to make it work through division of responsibilities and a vibrant community network to lean on.

“Some days it looks really good and you’re feeling like, ‘We’re such great parents and we’re crushing it,’” Jessica says. “And then other days we’re like, ‘How are we doing this?’”

They get by with a little help from their friends, including other faculty families. Middle son Amory, for example, walks to the bus each morning with his best friend, whose father also works in the Humanities Department. There are carpools and play dates that also ease the burden.

Both parents underline the reciprocal nature of boarding school life as part of what drew them back to their Granite State roots. Their children benefit from the communal environment on campus, building forts in the woods with other faculty children, eating and socializing at the dining hall, swimming at the boat docks, and getting to know St. Paul’s students. The fact that SPS is 100% residential creates an additional layer.

“There’s this common framing of being here, which is really powerful,” Eli says. “This environment is able to give back to your family in a way you wouldn’t get elsewhere. Our kids have such positive exposure to [older] kids, who are great models for what you hope your kids will be like.”

Jessica’s parents both taught at boarding schools, and she lived with her family overseas before attending The Hill School in Pennsylvania as a senior. Eli grew up in the small town of Fitzwilliam, New Hampshire, and attended Northfield Mount Hermon. The couple actually went to elementary school together before Jessica moved, although they didn’t know each other well. They later started dating while working at a summer camp.

After leading health classes for low-income kids in Ohio through AmeriCorps, Jessica decided to pursue teaching. Eli wasn’t sure what he wanted to do after college, but he attended an education recruiting conference with Jessica. Drawn to the collaborative nature of the profession, they decided to enter teaching together, beginning at a boarding school in Arizona.

Having encountered logistical challenges while working at two different independent schools in New Jersey, Jessica and Eli realized they wanted to work at the same institution. The opportunity to return to New Hampshire was appealing, as was the chance to work in the tight-knit SPS community, where both acknowledge their colleagues’ eagerness to offer practical support.

“If I have to miss class for any reason, like having a sick child,” Jessica says, “people are quick to step in and offer to help. That creates an environment where I never feel like my family is interrupting me from doing my job — or vice versa.”

The couple reiterates that the broader St. Paul’s community, including the administration, actively supports faculty families. Additionally, experienced faculty who have raised children at boarding schools offer guidance. Both Jessica and Eli emphasize symbiosis, noting that while faculty have significant responsibilities, they also benefit from the all-residential environment.

“We put in a lot of work,” Eli says, “but we also get a lot as a family from this experience.”